My life was full of pain, uncertainty, I felt lost,

I had a really rough childhood. I was sexually abused by my stepfather at age 5 and it continued until I was 12. He stopped not because he wanted to but because he had too. After many years of keeping quiet my story was finally told. I told my best friend my secret and thanks to her I was able to finally speak. She told her psychologist about my home situation seeking to get me help without realizing I was about to get more hurt than ever before. I kept quiet for so long because I had the fear my mother would not believe me. She was so blinded in “love” by this man I didn’t think she would understand. Growing up I always protected her every time he hit her but she always defended him. As a child I never had dreams instead I had nightmares of him one day killing the one person I loved the most the ONLY person I had in my life. When the day came to finally tell her how the man she loved left me mark for life, was the beginning of my long life nightmare. The women I always protected, the women I so very much loved and the one person I thought loved me, gave me her back. She called me a liar, she blamed me and when asked to have one of us leave the house while investigation she had me leave the house instead of my abuser. She sent me to a stranger’s house in which I slept in the living room. When she was told to take me to a psychologist she denied me that help I needed. That is when I became broken. I became a runaway. I became a rebel. I was sent away to Mexico to keep quiet. I never got justice for what happened to me. I learned to put that in the past and forget. Or so I thought I did. 

All these years I felt I needed the love of a man. I never had that love of a father in my life and so I seek it in others. I found myself never finding that love I needed so I hurt several people in the process of myself “healing”. I couldn’t love someone when I myself didn’t know what love meant or what love felt like. I couldn’t devote myself to a love fearing to get hurt once again. The past that I once thought I left behind came hunting me down many years later. The book I thought I had closed all of sudden got reopened. My past was the reason for my failed marriage and my divorce. I got myself drinking to forget and to block the pain. I kept getting hurt by the people I loved. I just kept hurting myself. That’s when I decided to devote myself to Jesus Christ my savior. I wanted the pain to end, I wanted to truly feel loved and show love to others as well. I learned to talk to him and I learned to worship him. I learned to love him and I learned to see his love for me. An unconditional love. I wasn’t raised with love. As the mother I am now I always show love to my children but I also want to show them how much Jesus Christ loves them. Ever since I haven’t been the same. 

Christ has changed my life in many ways. I feel more at peace with my life. I see a sudden light in my life that had been turned off years ago. I see a purpose in my life. I am able to share this love I have for Jesus Christ with my children, my friends and family. I now look to honor him with everything I do. I now share my story with others of how Jesus Christ changed my life in hopes they can welcome him as I welcomed him to my life. I am sure once they do they will feel that unconditional love I felt and that light that now guides my life. Accepting him in my life has been the best decision I have yet made.