I used to cry before God !

https://youtu.be/m3shDa9bZAM

 I used to cry before God multiple times a day, wetting my bed with tears. I was short listed to attend the interview of one of the big public sector companies in India and rejected on face stating that I was over qualified and I would not stay in that company for more than a year. The interviewers even doubted whether I would join at all if they offered me the job. All were due to my research internship in Germany and my publications in international journals and conference proceedings. They were very confident that I would be pursuing my higher studies, probably a doctorate, keeping in mind all my past academic achievements. But none except God knew that we were suffering for a cup of gruel! It was at the start of the semester and I didn’t feel like attending any other company that followed. The last company that came for placement was a big private company, an MNC where every mechanical engineer would dream to work in. I could not attend the pre-placement talk as I had to attend that particular professor’s class when all others in my class attended. Even that day, am badly hit by words and with a wounded heart, on my way back to hostel, I happened to pass through the auditorium in which the pre-placement talk was being conducted. I walked in unintentionally, with the fuming stares of our placement officer. By the time, I went in and sat, question papers were distributed!! I was not prepared to take it, but no other way, 3 papers (technical, verbal and numerical) in 3 hours, I completed it in less than 1 hr, not knowing what I wrote, gave the paper, surprised the company representative and went for lunch. In the afternoon, we had a lab exam and I went to attend that, knowing for sure that I will not be short listed. But miraculously, our placement representative called me and said I was short listed for the second round Group Discussion. Again I came attended the GD and went back, not sure of getting selected. Again a phone call, saying I am short listed for the final interview. It was almost end of the semester and students will be leaving home for study holidays the day after, I just had only one set of dress washed and ironed. I was seen with beard and when I rushed in to the interview room, our placement officer stopped and scolded me for my interview attire (with beard!!) and asked me to shave my beard in the nearby saloon and then get in. As usual, I didn’t have even a rupee with me and I pleaded that I would go to hostel and come back quickly and he reluctantly agreed exclaiming that whether am really interested in getting a job. I sent my friend to get a print out of my resume as I didn’t have one and the time matched when I came clean shaven and my friend with my resume, met before the building where interview was being conducted. My interview was very short compared to others and again as I didn’t have time to modify my resume (removing my internship experience in Germany, which caused the rejection in previous interview), the placement coordinator came out and told me that the interview panelists were discussing that I might fly to Germany again for my higher studies and I was not even considered for the final selection list. I was so depressed saying that I was not even prepared for the first round, but having attended three rounds of selection and it was almost 8 ‘O’ Clock in the night and I hear such a thing. Though we were informed that all who attended the interview had to wait till the results were announced, I just walked away to my room, as more than one person said am not in the final list. Immediately after reaching my room, I got a call from the same placement coordinator that I am selected!! I didn’t believe his words and he gave the phone over to one of the company representative and he said “Vijay, you are really selected. Please come soon. We are waiting for you!” I can’t express in words the joy and ecstasy that filled my heart and the tears welling my eyes. How loving God is and what measure His Grace is upon His children!! And the miracles continue….

Whenever I think of my past, my heart will tell me, whatever I achieved is by God’s Grace and only by God’s Grace! God heard even the softest of my whispers!! I would feel like having a sweet and somehow God ensured that I got it in the same day or the immediate next day, the same sweet which I wished to have! May sound silly but I am amazed at His love for me! When my friends had 3 or 4 sets of uniform, I had a single set of uniform that too sometimes an old one borrowed from a senior; when most of them bought brand new books, I borrowed books from a generous senior; when all my classmates went for School tour, I was stranded in home! Amidst all this, God gave me His grace and maturity to bear all things happily and patiently! With good academic achievements and extra-curricular and co-curricular achievements, I was awarded the “Best out-going student award” in the year 2003, when I have to leave the school after my eighth standard. I got calls from almost all the schools in my town, inviting me to join their schools! The next two years I exposed myself to all the inter-school competitions and social service activities! I was awarded the “Best student award” of my town, following the “Achiever Award” and “Top Achiever Award” by the Lions Club in 2005. I got 95% marks in my matriculation exams, 96% in my HSC and with 90% marks graduated out of College of Engineering, Guindy which I had always dremt about!! I remember with tears that I had written most of my HSC exams with empty stomach as I could not expect something to eat out of an empty vessel in home!! Out of all these, it is God who strengthened me and graciously led me through the darkness of my life, which I feel every moment!! Only in the dark, the beautiful stars are seen and so will be the ever-lasting love and never-ending grace of Lord Jesus!

Change in the Inner Man:

Not only did Jesus help me miraculously at the time of my materialistic needs, but more than that he helped me mentally and spiritually too! Because what is more important is the inward man! My very nature before accepting Christ was so arrogant and unbearable! I used to get angry very soon even in silly issues and words that come out of my mouth will pierce anybody’s heart. I used to be so selfish; I can’t bear anybody talking ill about me! All these were my characteristics! Not that only the time line is divided in to B.C and A.D, even my life (in that case, everyone who accepts Jesus Christ) can be divided! In B.C, the above stated characteristics featured me, but the change in my character was so obvious, not only to others, but to myself after accepting Christ! The fruits of salvation namely love; long-suffering and patience filled my heart! The man who can’t bear anyone talking ill about him now accepted happily the words that came from the mouth of his friend’s mom “Vijay?? He’ll go to church or eat the shit!! Do your business!!” When I passed by his house, I heard these words and now as a completely changed man, I happily accepted! My anger subdued and patience and long-suffering filled my heart. My selfishness vanished and then I started to help people with whatever I had! I remember a day when a poor old man asked for a cup of tea, I had only 2 rupees for bus and I happily gave him that and walked back home (nearly 3 or 4 km)! The love of Jesus changed me! He gave me a new heart! Praise the Lord! God is still changing me and it is high time to remember that the purpose of Christ’s calling is to make us like Him, to transform us like Him, in our words, deeds, thoughts and actions! Jesus gives a new and transformed life and eternal happiness (even when you starve!).

There are many other things to write but pages won’t be sufficient. I have a testimony for all that I have, my purse, my driving license, my education, and my job and so on. God so truly loved me that though I don’t have many things that I wanted but I have all things that I really needed so that nothing or nobody comes in between me and God. We many times cling on to the blessings and forget the one who really blessed us. It is a sad truth that instead of us possessing the blessings, it’s the blessings that possess us.

I attribute all the goodness that I received in my life to Jesus Christ; the greatest of all being the salvation of my soul. The Almighty God humbled Himself, came down to take upon Himself all the sins of the world, died on the cross and resurrected on the third day and is still alive. He who found me and lifted my head is powerful and faithful to do the same and even more in your life. Glory to God! Amen!