An older uncle molested me.
I got into drugs also. I did everything to the extreme. I watched some overdose and die. I watched some become addicts. I was addicted to sex. I thought that was the norm. I had relationships that were unhealthy. If I got involved with a nice guy, I dumped him. I was only comfortable with an abusive man.
At the age of 9, I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I never knew what it was to know him personally and I had not attended church as an adult. But I had always felt somebody was looking out for me. There were many times I should have been dead due to drugs or beatings or some reason.
I started babysitting at home to make money as it made no sense to get a job, as a babysitter would cost as much as I would make. I also was growing pot in my basement as my supplier (my husband) was no longer around. I needed to feed my habit.
Then after the kids were in school, I started working outside the home. It took a long time to work myself into a decent paying job to support my family. When I look back, I just don't know how we survived sometimes. I had been dealing with a lot of pain over the years but I just dealt with it. I had been in and out of churches but didn't stick to it. I led a life of being a mom and then putting the kids to bed and a sitter coming over and going out and being a wild woman. Getting very little sleep sometimes if any, and again going to work and being mom and going out again. I led a life of partying for years.
Eventually I even taught a Singles Sunday School class. I thought many times, God, you sure can use any willing vessel to use me. I was able to help many hurting women. I continued to grow in the Lord but I worked too much and still thought I was wonder woman and let the world take too much of my time. I continued to deal with pain and this health issue and this is what slowed me down and got my full 100% attention on God. I had a condition called Fibromyalgia, which got so bad I had to just give up and go on disability and medication. But I knew I had led a hard life and it was a miracle I was alive. If I was to continue in a body that was broken I just thought well that's what I get for living like I did. God had set me free years ago from a terrible past and He loved me. What more could I ask for? He was the best husband I ever had. I really had no needs. I had eternity with Him.
Then my thoughts changed after continuing to read His Word. Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. I began praying for God to heal me and continuing to thank Him for all that He had done for me. I wanted to take back what Satan had stolen from me. I had not been the mom I had wanted to be and now I was not the grandma I wanted to be. I was a sitting, sick grandma that the grandkids had to be careful not to hurt. After praying this prayer for 4 years, a miracle happened on September 23, 2006; God healed me. Yes, that is right. Not only did He deliver me from all my past problems some years ago, but also He healed my body. In an instant I went from a sick body that could move very little or it would be in pain and laid up for days and was on 3 medications to doing it all and on no medications. I started losing the weight I had gained right away because I was moving around, doing things. I could play with the grandkids, pick them up, do what normal people did and pain free. I could exercise which I could not do in any form before
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There are many things I left out. I married and divorced again and again. I moved 32 times, had 22 speeding tickets, was raped, etc. I feel like I lived 20 lives before I finally turned my life over to Jesus. I was always swimming upstream, doing it all in my strength, being rebellious. I tell you when you give it all to Him and become obedient, He carries your load and it is easy when you do things in His strength. Oh to have given it to Him sooner. How different my life would have been. But no, I was stubborn, and I thought I had to do it, and I did about everything. I was worn out.
He eventually restored all of me. I serve an awesome God. Don't you want to know Him? I could tell you so much more that He has done for me.
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